How NOT to Stage a Protest

Re events at Missouri University:

Things to do (by an expert):

1.) DOCUMENT in advance your grievances, with facts, photos, and specifics. Have press release handouts and emails ready.  Everything should be in place-- so you DON'T have to scramble for evidence once the protest's already underway.

2.) Make sure your hunger striker DOESN'T have a rich daddy. If dad makes $8 million a year, it hurts your credibility. Especially when you rail against privilege, people won't take you seriously.

3.) Encircle your encampment with engaged activists, NOT with casual students who have empty bovine expressions on their faces (see the videos) which makes them look as if they're being manipulated by their teachers.

4.) Make sure the teachers/leaders are articulate spokespersons and NOT wacked-out nutcases.

5.) DON'T ask for someone to lose their job, at least not immediately. This smacks of McCarthyite witch hunts.

6.) Look for allies among those with credibility. Students at community colleges, say-- NOT at elitist schools like Brown and Yale, whose attendees are among the most privileged individuals in the country.

7.) DON'T throw out the media! You want them on your side.

Is Jonathan Franzen the Jeb Bush of Literature?

IS JEB "JEBBY" BUSH THE JONATHAN FRANZEN OF POLITICS?

1.) Both are WASPy patrician white guys.

2.) Both are rather stiff in their presentations.

3.) Both are backed by enormous sums of money.

4.) Both represent the mindset of their respective establishments.

5.) Both are being force-fed on the American people.

6.) Both are slow-thinking and "low energy."

7.) Both have notably bland personalities.

What do you think?

"Waiting for Hillary"

A POEM by King Wenclas

Makes three hun-dred grand a speech,
Waiting for Hillary
Pride and joy of media elite,
Waiting for Hillary
When's her van coming down the street?
Waiting for Hillary

Should've won two-thousand eight,
Waiting for Hillary
Since that time we've had to wait,
Waiting for Hillary
Maybe too old but never too late!
Waiting for Hillary

Secretive as Richard Nixon,
Waiting for Hillary
Will not deign to answer questions,
Waiting for Hillary
Liked by all is her mission,
Waiting for Hillary

Where she goes, a mystery,
Waiting for Hillary
Never heard and seldom seen,
Waiting for Hillary
Americans have always wanted a queen!
Waiting for Hillary

Someone saw her, other day,
Waiting for Hillary
Eating food at Chip-ot-le
Waiting for Hillary
Scooby-do van driving away!
Waiting for Hillary

(chorus)
Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting,
waiting, for Hillary.

Questions Electric Literature Couldn't Answer

A quote from the Two Million-Dollar Man, Garth Risk Hallberg, from 2012:

"--the 'inside literary world' as such no longer really exists--"

Is that a true statement? It's a question worthy of debate. It's also a question the "inside literary world" itself won't acknowledge.

Yesterday I had an interesting exchange on twitter with Electric Literature-- www.electricliterature.com-- and a host of essay writers touted by Electric Literature as the best out there. The impromptu discussion was touched off inadvertently on my part when I merely asked EL if all the writers they discussed were New York City writers.

In truth, though not all of them live in Brooklyn, all of them do write for New York media; including for major outlets like the New York Times. They've been given the seal of approval from the center of media empire.

The lot of them jumped on me, assuring me-- or themselves-- that they were actually DIY, or at some point in their lives had been; they worked very hard (a fact I'd never doubt); and so on.

Then the exchange stopped. Everyone ran off, Electric Literature included, because I raised questions that none of them could answer. The four questions:

1.) "Would any of you write for our site?"
2.) (To EL): "Where did you stand on the Hachette vs. Amazon question?"
3.) (To EL) "Do you review DIY writers?"
4.) (To EL) "Will you debate us in Chicago or Detroit?"

I asked the questions to test how real these people were in their protestations. Not very! Electric Literature had claimed there were no sides in today's literary game; and strongly implied they didn't take sides.

Most of the writers involved likely write "literary" essays which aren't exactly our thing. We prefer writing that's sharp, punchy, to the point and very readable. Nevertheless we're open to all kinds of writers. Our mission is to bridge the gap between pop and literary.

What distinguishes us from the herd, on both sides-- both camps-- is that we're willing to present all sides of ongoing literary questions. Few others can claim that. Including this question: What should the literary art look like?

To close this post, I'll make several points, and invite-- in the interest of open discussion-- Electric Literature and the essay writers to dispute or explain them.

-Approved writers are trained in a certain acceptable style of writing, whether at Yale, Berkeley, or Iowa. It's a style which wins awards and funding, publication in university literary journals, and in some cases, publication by the New York big guys. It's a style which we at NEW POP LIT believe is outdated. Unfit for today's changing economic environment.

-Electric Literature is part of old-style New York literary media. Are they an adjunct of the Big Five publishers? They sound and act like it. They require gatekeepers telling them what's acceptable and what's not. They blaze no new aesthetic paths.

-Electric Literature and their writers won't criticize the current system of publishing and promotion-- even though that system at the moment is under extreme stress. To do so would outrage many in the publishing business, and in the established literary world. Being on the right side is a safe policy. It also means that EL's stated broadmindedness is only a statement.

-Electric Literature, and literary outfits like them (n+1, Guernica, et.al.), won't touch writers, literary groups, or ideas that exist outside the current bubble of approval.

But the freewheeling exchange of ideas, about art and process, should be what any literary scene is about.

Dialogue anyone?

More n+1 Hypocrisy?

Did you read my NEW POP LIT report about the very esteemed New York literary journal n+1 magazine's coziness with billionaires and media moguls?


http://newpoplit.com/opinion/beyond-hypocrisy-the-n1-story/


Now we stumble upon this interesting tweet from n+1 founder and lead guy Keith Gessen:


Keith Gessen ‏@keithgessen Dec 12

Recent criticism of US journos for working w/ Kremlin media is great IF AND ONLY IF same scrutiny leveled at US and oligarch-funded media.

We ask: Does Keith Gessen consider his own publication to be "oligarch-funded media"?

(You know the saying. If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck. . . .)

"Ode to N+1"

A Poem

Gessen, Greif, Roth, and Kunkel,
looking for funding from somebody's uncle

Always they are on the make,
to Big-Time Money they're on the take!

They hope to finance their revolution,
billionaire friends is quite the solution!

New York Literary Hypocrisy Update

Here's what's left of the exchange I had on twitter with n+1 editor Dayna Tortorici-- which began when I asked why she was saying nothing about the Daniel Handler National Book Awards incident (see previous two posts):

New Pop Lit@NewPopLit       @dtortorici I guess fighting racism, privilege & power a tad harder when it's in your own field :-) literarycircus.blogspot.com/2014/11/why-is… - 25 Nov Dayna Tortorici@dtortorici   @NewPopLit dude step off I don't know who Daniel Handler is and don't care       01:51 AM - 25 Nov 14

Ms. Tortorici subsequently blocked the New Pop Lit twitter account, and later deleted what she could of the exchange. Yet the key question remains unanswered: With all of n+1's activism, their outcries against privilege and racism, why do they refuse to speak about elitism, racism, and privilege in their own field?

Could it be because the established literary and publishing circles based in New York City-- including what I call Old Literary Media-- are among the most elitist endeavors in America? Where success is based on connections and cronyism more than any other factor? Where the lead mouthpieces for establishment literature, like Dayna Tortorici-- like virtually every editor, staffer, and intern at n+1-- attended the most exclusive schools in America? (Places like Brown, Columbia, Yale, and Harvard.) That when they profess to fight against "the One Percent" or "white privilege," they should first go after themselves?

The idea is to clean up literature and publishing-- to democratize American literature, and thereby make it more representative of the genuine American voice. Accessible and open to all-- not solely to a select group of  mandarins presuming to dictate from on high to everyone else. "What does democracy look like?"

This is what my fights over the years for literary populism have been about.

Sgt. Schultz of the Literary World?

"I know nothing!" "I see nothing!"

Yes, even those at the very center of establishment literary activity are not always up on what's happening in their own world.

At least, this is the indication given by trendy n+1 editor Dayna Tortorici, a leader of Brooklyn's Literary Snob Set. Note her tweet:

Dayna Tortorici ‏@dtortorici Nov 24

@NewPopLit dude step off I don't know who Daniel Handler is and don't care

Not know about Daniel Handler's "unfortunate" racist remarks? They took place in Manhattan, right across the river from Brooklyn, at the well-hyped National Book Awards dinner, a scene of New York City's literary connected and powerful. One would think the editor of one of New York City's leading lit journals would be up on it. Handler's "unfortunate" remarks were the talk of New York, including Brooklyn-- and of the literary world as a whole.

Perhaps Ms. Tortorici was indisposed? Out of town? Climbing mountains in the Himalayas? Visiting the South Pole?

It's understandable, I suppose, that Dayna Tortorici might be more concerned about a grand jury verdict taking place a thousand miles away, over which Tortorici has absolutely no influence, than about an incident taking place in her own backyard, in her own field, over which she might have a great deal of influence, given her standing as editor of an influential prestigious well-connected well-hyped et.al. establishment literary journal.

Ours is not to wonder about the whys and what-fors of the mysterious happenings of elite literary circles. We're only here to report.

Why Is Daniel Handler Celebrating?

IS THIS THE FACE OF LEGACY PUBLISHING?
Daniel Handler is celebrating because he has "gotten over" on his careless, inadvertently revealing racist remarks at the National Book Awards last week. By making what for Handler was a token donation, to a token "diversity" organization-- "We Need Diverse Books"-- most of the New York-based literary and publishing establishments have rallied behind him. He's too rich and powerful for them to do otherwise.

I'm sure the folks at We Need Diverse Books are fine people. But it's also a virtually in-house organization which is unable to change anything about today's literary and publishing hierarchies. Its President, Ellen Oh, is herself published by HarperCollins. She's a graduate of New York University and a former corporate lawyer. As long as the awarded and promoted authors come from the most privileged schools in America-- and therefore from the more privileged classes in America-- literature will be a long way from representing a truly diverse and authentic presentation of the American people; the American voice.

Meanwhile, we've found the face of Big Five publishing, of establishment literature. It's Daniel Handler! Could a more stereotypical embodiment of white male arrogance and privilege be found?

Jonathan Franzen's Farewell Tour?

RUMOR HAS IT that much-lauded novelist Jonathan Franzen, entranced by the Derek Jeter farewell to baseball tour, is toying with the idea of doing a farewell tour himself.

"I think it would be neat," proto-hipster Franzen is alleged to have said to his agent. Or maybe to his girlfriend. Or to a coffeeshop barista.

"We could present me in large chain bookstores across the country," Jonathan Franzen suggested. "I wouldn't answer questions-- I don't answer questions-- but it would give the public a chance to see me. You know. Be in my presence. That sort of thing."

"You realize, don't you?" the agent/girlfriend/barista said. "That it would mean you'd have to retire."

"Retire?"

"Yes. You know. Stop writing."

"Stop writing?"

Jonathan Franzen is said to be pondering the implications. He has time. His next big novel isn't due for at least a decade.

Fiction 2020

My new ebook, ASSASSINATION OF X, is not your grandmother's literary story. No snail's pace or New Yorker magazine refinement.

Instead, fiction for the chaotic world we live in now.

http://www.amazon.com/Assassination-X-King-Wenclas-ebook/dp/B00KPHLTKI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1401811380&sr=1-1&keywords=assassination+of+x

BUY IT!

The Detroit River Is Melting!

GLOBAL WARMING ALERT!

As these photos indicate, the Detroit River has begun to melt at an alarming rate. A mere one week ago it was a solid sheet of ice. This indication of "climate change" indicates one of two things. Either global warming is increasing. Or we're seeing hints of the advent of spring.

Man Still Believes in Global Warming!

LITERARY CIRCUS has located a man who still believes in Global Warming Theory, despite indications the theory is false.  Hipster litmag editor Chadbert McDoodle believes it's true, despite being buried under two-feet of snow and enduring subzero Arctic cold.

"Yes, I still believe," McDoodle admitted to LITERARY CIRCUS with some embarrassment. "One has to remain true to the cause. When I was in college, all my friends and classmates believed. We had faith that someday, even in the far distant future, it would occur. I know that future looks ever more distant, but hey, isn't that what faith is about? Besides, my professors believed in global warming. They had its catastrophic effects figured. Rising oceans. Melting ice. Should've happened five years ago. All good literary people believed, like the intellectuals at n+1. Never counted on Arctic blasts, of course, but who knew? They were good guys and they believed, as I believe, and that's what counts most. Staying true to what you've been taught. That's me. Right or wrong."

When encountered by LITERARY CIRCUS, McDoodle was hitchhiking because his car was stuck in a snowbank. "Hey, could you give me a ride?" he pleaded to passing motorists. "It's cold out here!"

A Sane Novel?

UNHEARD OF!

Sources tell Literary Circus that a mainstream publisher wants to publish a mass market novel without a single vampire, zombie, wizard, hobbit, detective, spy, or sadistic sex scene in it.

"We haven't figured out how to market it yet, nor to whom," a spokesmouth said. "But we're working on it."

Amanda Hocking's New Challenge

RUMOR HAS IT that best-selling speed writer Amanda Hocking has signed an agreement with a publisher to crank out ten new vampire novels-- in one week!

Hocking assures her editors that despite being written at superspeed, quality of the novels won't be affected one iota. They'll be just as, er, good as her other books. Stay tuned.

Why Hemingway Grew a Beard

This is an easy one. Ernest Hemingway grew a beard because he wanted to look like Santa Claus!

It was a beard. It was a white beard but it was also a full beard. The day was bleak and hard and cold but he had a beard and this made him feel safe. It was a good beard.

Merry Christmas!

Alice Munro Turned Down for Christmas Job!

LATEST SCOOP

Since a prize-winning author can't live on New Yorker magazine checks alone, Alice Munro recently applied for a part-rime sales job at a local Winnipeg department store. LITERARY CIRCUS has obtained a transcript of the job interview:

"What's your background?"

"Writer."

"What do you write?"

"Stories. Novels."

"Ugh. Where?"

"They're mainly published in New York."

"Too far. We sell to a customer base here. Any special qualifications?"

"I won a Nobel Prize."

"Never heard of it. Thank you for your time. NEXT!"

"Ode to Edward Snowden"

Trapped in Moscow, nowhere to go
Airport sandwiches really do blow
I hope Venezuela will give me a home,
I don't want to be Edward Snowden

Hailed as a hero, charged as a spy
Telling the truth, cause I don't like to lie
Wish I were just an ordinary guy,
I don't want to be Edward Snowden

KGB agents picking my brain
U.S. government forcing down planes
Vladimir Putin scowling again!
I don't want to be Edward Snowden,
Someone please help Edward Snowden,
Let me not be Edward Snowden!

Professor Beller Encounters a Question

 

Thomas Beller, writing professor at Tulane, was once a bright Manhattan literary star. Tulane, for all its prestige, is something of a comedown for a literary personality with a career once so promising. Like Scott in Hollywood, he believes.

At least Professor Beller has his teaching assignments.

His classes of wonderful young seedlings keep him occupied. The students require a large amount of literary watering. They're paying substantial sums of money to acquire a worthless degree. Part of Beller's job is keeping away from their fragile minds this realization.

It's a wonderful world. Because he's Mr. Beller, everything at all times must be forever wonderful. He subscribes to a literary philosophy that says everything about today's literary world is wonderful. Sunshine and puppies. Cotton candy and happy memories.

"This book sucks!" a student remarks about a book of poems, Actual Air, by Thomas Beller friend  David Berman. "Air! It surely is. The book is all air! There's nothing here."

Professor Beller, looming large and unwieldy in the Tulane classroom, takes a step back, gathering his thoughts in the room's light.

"Er, I should tell you that David is actually a very good friend of mine," Professor Beller reminds the young pupil with a grimaced mock-casual smile. "Believe it or not, David Berman's little book has been highly praised. Most recently by me! Friendships are, you know, crucially important in the writing game."

Professor Beller puts his hands in his pockets and adopts the Gregory Peck nonchalant attitude Beller imagines a university writing professor should take. The little seedlings!

"What do you think of Amanda Hocking selling one million DIY ebooks with no writing degree?" another student queries.

"Who? What?" Thomas Beller asks, blinking.

He's truly curious. Is this Hocking someone he knows from New York City? From an "Open City" party? How could someone sell that many books and have no connection to New York City? It occurs to Professor Beller they're drifting into prohibited territory.

"Let's turn to page 879 of the DFW masterpiece," he tells them, scrambling furiously through the unwieldy book's unwieldy pages.

McSweeney's Builds Cathedral

THE CULT OF THE DAVE

Disappointed that he's not being considered for the Pope job, for which he believes he's eminently qualified, McSweeney's cult leader Dave Eggers is overseeing the construction of a gigantic new cathedral in San Francisco, in the vicinity of Valencia Street. Cult members on the sidewalk nearby, who were hawking the cult's propaganda brochure, The Believer, were asked about the impressive cathedral, rumored to be named "Church of the Naive Reader." While tinkling bells, banging on drums and shouting "Hare Eggers, Hare Hare," brainwashed McSweeneyites said they looked forward to holding their religious services more openly. "It's a wonderful belief system," one told Literary Circus. "We accept everything. We're expected to always be happy. One is not required to think."