Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Detroit River Is Melting!

GLOBAL WARMING ALERT!



As these photos indicate, the Detroit River has begun to melt at an alarming rate. A mere one week ago it was a solid sheet of ice. This indication of "climate change" indicates one of two things. Either global warming is increasing. Or we're seeing hints of the advent of spring.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Man Still Believes in Global Warming!


LITERARY CIRCUS has located a man who still believes in Global Warming Theory, despite indications the theory is false.  Hipster litmag editor Chadbert McDoodle believes it's true, despite being buried under two-feet of snow and enduring subzero Arctic cold.

"Yes, I still believe," McDoodle admitted to LITERARY CIRCUS with some embarrassment. "One has to remain true to the cause. When I was in college, all my friends and classmates believed. We had faith that someday, even in the far distant future, it would occur. I know that future looks ever more distant, but hey, isn't that what faith is about? Besides, my professors believed in global warming. They had its catastrophic effects figured. Rising oceans. Melting ice. Should've happened five years ago. All good literary people believed, like the intellectuals at n+1. Never counted on Arctic blasts, of course, but who knew? They were good guys and they believed, as I believe, and that's what counts most. Staying true to what you've been taught. That's me. Right or wrong."

When encountered by LITERARY CIRCUS, McDoodle was hitchhiking because his car was stuck in a snowbank. "Hey, could you give me a ride?" he pleaded to passing motorists. "It's cold out here!"

Monday, February 3, 2014

A Sane Novel?

UNHEARD OF!

Sources tell Literary Circus that a mainstream publisher wants to publish a mass market novel without a single vampire, zombie, wizard, hobbit, detective, spy, or sadistic sex scene in it.

"We haven't figured out how to market it yet, nor to whom," a spokesmouth said. "But we're working on it."