Thursday, September 25, 2014

Jonathan Franzen's Farewell Tour?

RUMOR HAS IT that much-lauded novelist Jonathan Franzen, entranced by the Derek Jeter farewell to baseball tour, is toying with the idea of doing a farewell tour himself.

"I think it would be neat," proto-hipster Franzen is alleged to have said to his agent. Or maybe to his girlfriend. Or to a coffeeshop barista.

"We could present me in large chain bookstores across the country," Jonathan Franzen suggested. "I wouldn't answer questions-- I don't answer questions-- but it would give the public a chance to see me. You know. Be in my presence. That sort of thing."

"You realize, don't you?" the agent/girlfriend/barista said. "That it would mean you'd have to retire."


"Yes. You know. Stop writing."

"Stop writing?"

Jonathan Franzen is said to be pondering the implications. He has time. His next big novel isn't due for at least a decade.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Fiction 2020

My new ebook, ASSASSINATION OF X, is not your grandmother's literary story. No snail's pace or New Yorker magazine refinement.

Instead, fiction for the chaotic world we live in now.


Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Detroit River Is Melting!


As these photos indicate, the Detroit River has begun to melt at an alarming rate. A mere one week ago it was a solid sheet of ice. This indication of "climate change" indicates one of two things. Either global warming is increasing. Or we're seeing hints of the advent of spring.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Man Still Believes in Global Warming!

LITERARY CIRCUS has located a man who still believes in Global Warming Theory, despite indications the theory is false.  Hipster litmag editor Chadbert McDoodle believes it's true, despite being buried under two-feet of snow and enduring subzero Arctic cold.

"Yes, I still believe," McDoodle admitted to LITERARY CIRCUS with some embarrassment. "One has to remain true to the cause. When I was in college, all my friends and classmates believed. We had faith that someday, even in the far distant future, it would occur. I know that future looks ever more distant, but hey, isn't that what faith is about? Besides, my professors believed in global warming. They had its catastrophic effects figured. Rising oceans. Melting ice. Should've happened five years ago. All good literary people believed, like the intellectuals at n+1. Never counted on Arctic blasts, of course, but who knew? They were good guys and they believed, as I believe, and that's what counts most. Staying true to what you've been taught. That's me. Right or wrong."

When encountered by LITERARY CIRCUS, McDoodle was hitchhiking because his car was stuck in a snowbank. "Hey, could you give me a ride?" he pleaded to passing motorists. "It's cold out here!"

Monday, February 3, 2014

A Sane Novel?


Sources tell Literary Circus that a mainstream publisher wants to publish a mass market novel without a single vampire, zombie, wizard, hobbit, detective, spy, or sadistic sex scene in it.

"We haven't figured out how to market it yet, nor to whom," a spokesmouth said. "But we're working on it."

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Amanda Hocking's New Challenge

RUMOR HAS IT that best-selling speed writer Amanda Hocking has signed an agreement with a publisher to crank out ten new vampire novels-- in one week!

Hocking assures her editors that despite being written at superspeed, quality of the novels won't be affected one iota. They'll be just as, er, good as her other books. Stay tuned.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Why Hemingway Grew a Beard

This is an easy one. Ernest Hemingway grew a beard because he wanted to look like Santa Claus!

It was a beard. It was a white beard but it was also a full beard. The day was bleak and hard and cold but he had a beard and this made him feel safe. It was a good beard.

Merry Christmas!