Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Sgt. Schultz of the Literary World?

"I know nothing!" "I see nothing!"

Yes, even those at the very center of establishment literary activity are not always up on what's happening in their own world.

At least, this is the indication given by trendy n+1 editor Dayna Tortorici, a leader of Brooklyn's Literary Snob Set. Note her tweet:

Dayna Tortorici @dtortorici Nov 24
dude step off I don't know who Daniel Handler is and don't care

Not know about Daniel Handler's "unfortunate" racist remarks? They took place in Manhattan, right across the river from Brooklyn, at the well-hyped National Book Awards dinner, a scene of New York City's literary connected and powerful. One would think the editor of one of New York City's leading lit journals would be up on it. Handler's "unfortunate" remarks were the talk of New York, including Brooklyn-- and of the literary world as a whole.

Perhaps Ms. Tortorici was indisposed? Out of town? Climbing mountains in the Himalayas? Visiting the South Pole?

It's understandable, I suppose, that Dayna Tortorici might be more concerned about a grand jury verdict taking place a thousand miles away, over which Tortorici has absolutely no influence, than about an incident taking place in her own backyard, in her own field, over which she might have a great deal of influence, given her standing as editor of an influential prestigious well-connected well-hyped establishment literary journal.

Ours is not to wonder about the whys and what-fors of the mysterious happenings of elite literary circles. We're only here to report.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Why Is Daniel Handler Celebrating?

Daniel Handler is celebrating because he has "gotten over" on his careless, inadvertently revealing racist remarks at the National Book Awards last week. By making what for Handler was a token donation, to a token "diversity" organization-- "We Need Diverse Books"-- most of the New York-based literary and publishing establishments have rallied behind him. He's too rich and powerful for them to do otherwise.

I'm sure the folks at We Need Diverse Books are fine people. But it's also a virtually in-house organization which is unable to change anything about today's literary and publishing hierarchies. Its President, Ellen Oh, is herself published by HarperCollins. She's a graduate of New York University and a former corporate lawyer. As long as the awarded and promoted authors come from the most privileged schools in America-- and therefore from the more privileged classes in America-- literature will be a long way from representing a truly diverse and authentic presentation of the American people; the American voice.

Meanwhile, we've found the face of Big Five publishing, of establishment literature. It's Daniel Handler! Could a more stereotypical embodiment of white male arrogance and privilege be found?

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Jonathan Franzen's Farewell Tour?

RUMOR HAS IT that much-lauded novelist Jonathan Franzen, entranced by the Derek Jeter farewell to baseball tour, is toying with the idea of doing a farewell tour himself.

"I think it would be neat," proto-hipster Franzen is alleged to have said to his agent. Or maybe to his girlfriend. Or to a coffeeshop barista.

"We could present me in large chain bookstores across the country," Jonathan Franzen suggested. "I wouldn't answer questions-- I don't answer questions-- but it would give the public a chance to see me. You know. Be in my presence. That sort of thing."

"You realize, don't you?" the agent/girlfriend/barista said. "That it would mean you'd have to retire."


"Yes. You know. Stop writing."

"Stop writing?"

Jonathan Franzen is said to be pondering the implications. He has time. His next big novel isn't due for at least a decade.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Fiction 2020

My new ebook, ASSASSINATION OF X, is not your grandmother's literary story. No snail's pace or New Yorker magazine refinement.

Instead, fiction for the chaotic world we live in now.


Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Detroit River Is Melting!


As these photos indicate, the Detroit River has begun to melt at an alarming rate. A mere one week ago it was a solid sheet of ice. This indication of "climate change" indicates one of two things. Either global warming is increasing. Or we're seeing hints of the advent of spring.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Man Still Believes in Global Warming!

LITERARY CIRCUS has located a man who still believes in Global Warming Theory, despite indications the theory is false.  Hipster litmag editor Chadbert McDoodle believes it's true, despite being buried under two-feet of snow and enduring subzero Arctic cold.

"Yes, I still believe," McDoodle admitted to LITERARY CIRCUS with some embarrassment. "One has to remain true to the cause. When I was in college, all my friends and classmates believed. We had faith that someday, even in the far distant future, it would occur. I know that future looks ever more distant, but hey, isn't that what faith is about? Besides, my professors believed in global warming. They had its catastrophic effects figured. Rising oceans. Melting ice. Should've happened five years ago. All good literary people believed, like the intellectuals at n+1. Never counted on Arctic blasts, of course, but who knew? They were good guys and they believed, as I believe, and that's what counts most. Staying true to what you've been taught. That's me. Right or wrong."

When encountered by LITERARY CIRCUS, McDoodle was hitchhiking because his car was stuck in a snowbank. "Hey, could you give me a ride?" he pleaded to passing motorists. "It's cold out here!"

Monday, February 3, 2014

A Sane Novel?


Sources tell Literary Circus that a mainstream publisher wants to publish a mass market novel without a single vampire, zombie, wizard, hobbit, detective, spy, or sadistic sex scene in it.

"We haven't figured out how to market it yet, nor to whom," a spokesmouth said. "But we're working on it."